Monday, March 18, 2019

Reflecting With Andrew McMahon

Hello everyone!
Last Tuesday my sister Heather and I went to our 4th Andrew McMahon concert together.

I was around seven or eight years old when she first introduced me to his music.
At that time he was in the band Something Corporate and I remember hanging out at her apartment and begging her to play the song Hurricane.
Since then we have seen him four times.
Once with Something Corporate, once with Jack's Mannequin and twice as a solo artist.

Two years ago we saw him at the same venue we did last week.
We were jamming and having a good time when I started to cry.
At first I thought it was because I was so happy and then it turned into full on hard ugly crying and I was so confused...
I was honestly happy and enjoying myself.
Nothing should have been making me sad.
"What is wrong with me?" I thought.
The first response that came into my mind was "I don't want to be miserable anymore..."
I realized that was the first time I had been happy in awhile and it affected me in such a weird way.
I was doing what I thought I needed to do to be happy at the time.
I was working hard and making the most money I had ever made.
I was able to support my family.
We finally had a house.
We were able to afford things we never could before.
We were "successful."
But man was I sad.
I think that was the first time I was honest with myself about my feelings.
It led me to acknowledge that I needed to take care of myself.
It led to a conversation with Erik of putting more than half of my earnings into savings so that I could quit my job.
It led to the realization that I was suppressing a lot of things.
It led to some major changes.
Last Tuesday as we were standing in the same same spot seeing him again,  I reflected on that moment and how far I had come.
The last month or so I have been the happiest I have been in a long time.
I cried on the way home from the concert but this time they were happy tears.
I am so grateful to be where I am now.
And I am so excited to see where I will be the next time we go and see him.

All my love,

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